There are 10 types of people. Those who get binary and those who don’t.
There are two types of people in the world:
- Those who can extrapolate from incomplete data
How can you tell the difference between a plumber and a chemist?
The way they pronounce unionized.
A photon checks into a hotel:
“One room for the night, please.”
“Very well, any bags to check?”
“Nope, I’m travelling light.”
“If you can tell people where they are and what they are seeing, you are a bloody legend.” Cartographer’s joke
A couple of fun limericks:
There was a young woman named Bright
Whose speed was much faster than light.
She set out one day
In a relative way,
And returned on the previous night.
There was a young chemist from Ryde,
Who drank a foul poison and died.
It was ortho-hydroxy-
para-methoxy-
tri-nitro benzaldehyde!
A woman in liquor production
Owns a still of exquisite construction.
The alcohol boils
Through magnetic coils.
She says that it’s “proof by induction.”
Someone asks “what’s up?”
Answer: “the cross-product of forward and left”
(the popularity of this joke in engineering school trained me to never ask “what’s up?”)
Mitosis is connected to my fetuses.
Three logicians walk into a bar. The bartender asks: “3 beers?”
The first one responds: “I don’t know”
The second one responds: “I don’t know”
The last one responds: “Yes, please!”
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into the bar. The first guy asks for one beer. Next guy asks for 1/2 a beer. Next guy asks for 1/4 beer. Bartender slaps the next guy and gives the group two beers.
Why are singers at the Sydney Opera House so good at calculus? All that practise at arias under the curve!
Is Psychiatry still a science?
- How many Freudians does it take to change a lightbulb?
-
- One to change the bulb and the other to hold my mother…I mean the LADDER!
How many math professors does it take to change a lightbulb?
The answer is trivial and the proof is left as an exercise to the reader.
Two chemists walk into a bar.
The first one says, “I’ll have some H2O.”
The second one says, “I’ll have some H2O, too.”
They drink their drinks.
The second chemist dies.
This always reminds me of
"Oh, Johnny was a chemist’s son
But Johnny is no more
For what Johnny thought was H20
Was H2SO4!"
Bartender: “We don’t serve faster-than-light particles here!”
A tachyon walks into the bar.
So this atom returns to the pub begging the bartender and the patrons “Oh, good golly! I’ve lost one of my here electrons! Has anyone seen it?!”
The owner says. “No one has reported anything. Are you sure you’ve lost it?”
To which the atom replied, “Yes! I’m positive!”
…
The next day…
Having a pint, the bartender sees the atom from yesterday and calls the ion up to the bar and says “Just yesterday, you say you lost an electron. Well we found it and here it is.” Rolling it across the bar. The atom, now very happy says “Yeah! That’s the one! Amazing! Thank you! What can I do to repay you?!”
The bartender, with a sly wink, says “No charge.”
The “mouse scanner”
This is way too meta, and somewhat of an inside joke to my previous lab… explanation below
Explanation
In cancer biology, many labs work with mice as a model organism. Back in the days before single-cell sequencing and organoids became popular, almost every good lab would routinely graft tumors onto model mice, then inject drugs and other stuff… and after a few weeks harvest the organs. Lots of ppl still do this. Very demanding research but it was state-of-the-art so
Anyways… my lab, similar to many, used to have scanners for scanning Western Blots (another super common and notorious lab workflow). We’d scan images, histology slides cut from mice organs, etc… We also had a dedicated X-ray or CT machine (probably, memory hazy) specifically for scanning mice organs, but those two are separate
And one day we were doing journal club and reviewing a cancer biology paper from another lab. They had full-body scans of lots of different mice, nothing too crazy… but in their methods section I think they straight up said they scanned the mice on a scanner 💀
So yeah, we had this joke of someone putting a still alive mouse on the standard printer-scanner, and then S Q U I S H the mouse to make an image
