It’s not about the location so much as the expectations and praticalities.
An ‘open relationship’ as a status requires a commitment from both people to maintain commitment to the relationship but allow casual sexual interactions outside of the relationship. That’s hard for a lot of, if not the large majority of, people, even when both people are in close proximity. If you take away the commitment element, it’s not a romantic relationship, it’s just casual or friend sex, which can be fine too, but has different expectations.
A traditional long-distance relationship also requires commitment. Ask anyone who has tried to have an LDR. It requires a HEAVY commitment, and a lot of every day effort to maintain the non-physical intimacy of the relationship over that distance. Are you ready to spend all day writing texts, call each other when you have a few moments at the same time just to hear each other’s voices, and spend all evening on the phone talking about the most pointless BS that happened that day just because you love hearing about each other’s BS? If you got the chance to go visit, but you were exhausted from working overtime and it would cost everything you got as extra from the overtime and then a bit more, would you drop everything just to go see them for one day?
These commitments, if they are going to withstand the difficulties of life, are usually on the order of ‘we will be getting married or entering a solemnified union of some kind but circumstances outside of our control make that impossible for now.’
If either of the people aren’t ready to commit to that level of dedication and permanence, the relationship, while possibly previously good, is not likely to be able to withstand the strain of each person’s needs and desires being deferred by the practical realities, again and again and again.
You have to ask yourselves, and each other, out loud, whether that level of commitment is there. If it’s not, it’s far healthier for everyone involved to say ‘This isn’t something to call a relationship. I won’t wait for you, and I don’t expect you to wait for me, but I’ll be super fucking happy to try again when we’re both living in the same place if we’re not monogamous with someone else.’
It can technically be made to work, but it will be extremely hard. It’s combining two difficult to manage relationship dynamics into one VERY difficult one. Both people wanting an open relationship is only the bare minimum starting point. It takes a LOT more than that to even begin to make it work.
It’s not about the location so much as the expectations and praticalities.
An ‘open relationship’ as a status requires a commitment from both people to maintain commitment to the relationship but allow casual sexual interactions outside of the relationship. That’s hard for a lot of, if not the large majority of, people, even when both people are in close proximity. If you take away the commitment element, it’s not a romantic relationship, it’s just casual or friend sex, which can be fine too, but has different expectations.
A traditional long-distance relationship also requires commitment. Ask anyone who has tried to have an LDR. It requires a HEAVY commitment, and a lot of every day effort to maintain the non-physical intimacy of the relationship over that distance. Are you ready to spend all day writing texts, call each other when you have a few moments at the same time just to hear each other’s voices, and spend all evening on the phone talking about the most pointless BS that happened that day just because you love hearing about each other’s BS? If you got the chance to go visit, but you were exhausted from working overtime and it would cost everything you got as extra from the overtime and then a bit more, would you drop everything just to go see them for one day? These commitments, if they are going to withstand the difficulties of life, are usually on the order of ‘we will be getting married or entering a solemnified union of some kind but circumstances outside of our control make that impossible for now.’ If either of the people aren’t ready to commit to that level of dedication and permanence, the relationship, while possibly previously good, is not likely to be able to withstand the strain of each person’s needs and desires being deferred by the practical realities, again and again and again. You have to ask yourselves, and each other, out loud, whether that level of commitment is there. If it’s not, it’s far healthier for everyone involved to say ‘This isn’t something to call a relationship. I won’t wait for you, and I don’t expect you to wait for me, but I’ll be super fucking happy to try again when we’re both living in the same place if we’re not monogamous with someone else.’
So its good if both want open relationship?
It can technically be made to work, but it will be extremely hard. It’s combining two difficult to manage relationship dynamics into one VERY difficult one. Both people wanting an open relationship is only the bare minimum starting point. It takes a LOT more than that to even begin to make it work.