You misspelled “thurd,” butt yeah.

All claims of others’ accomplishments and impossible to prove. Congrats.

That’s hilarious. Yes it was. My mistake was mentioning my #atheism. The torture master turned out to be #Mormon. I was old enough to know better at the time. Now I’m old enough to simply have these monkey-shit brown bone shards extracted. Absolutely exquisite pain.

That which builds character sometimes dissolves teeth. Many are worse off; that’s the scary part.

I encourage anyone with a sufficiently smooth brain to ignore inevitabilities, you included. Really, y’all are in an enviable place. If two-hundred million in the USA under heat or flood warnings while scientists say the Gulf Stream is on the verge of collapse means nothing more than “it’s summer” to you, good for you. You win. Seriously.

Dream on.

Much of the cynicism online right now is due to an avalanche of reporting that shit is hitting the fan with the climate. Anyone with so much as one child is feeling a retro-antinatalist regret. Concerning ourselves with long ago-gutted anti-trust laws seems like worrying about dirty windows in a house that’s fully engulfed in flames with no fire department within a million miles. Break 'em up, for sure, but what’s the point if the gulf stream collapses next year and we become Mars in a decade. Or sumptin.

No fluoride where I failed to grow up in south Alabama. Anyone graduating sixth grade with all their teeth was called an elitist. Toothbrushes were unknown. If you’re familiar with Tommy Tuberville, you should know he’s a victim of a tobacco spit-swallowing mother, a widespread problem in those parts. Denture swapping was common during meals. Basically shitty luck. I escaped with bad teeth and a crappy disposition. I’m lucky.

I’m in favor of anything that helps me avoid buying from assholes.

The root canal paled in comparison to my periodic kidney stones. Find an endodontist who’ll put you to sleep for the procedure. If I need another, that’s what I’ll do.

I’ve had six root canals. Five were painless except for the Novocain shot. The sixth still gives me nightmares, but the endodontist assured me that molar’s nerve was unusual.

The day Mr. Google tries to enter my home to remove my off switch is the day Mr. Google has a very big problem.