I have been struggling with this because a lot of people around me use it in this manner when they do something dumb or they act in an awkward way and they’ll be like “oh, that was autistic of me” or “I’ve got the tism” and I always feel so uncomfortable but I also don’t know how to raise it or what to say. I am myself not diagnosed, but I’m pretty sure I am on the spectrum. I was just wondering what you think of it and how you handle it.
Comedian Carlos Mencia had a bit where he would call things “retarded” in a mocking voice. Usually the antics of what we would call “karen culture” today. Even in the early 2000’s this kind of humor was seen by some as a bit insensitive, which led him to explain on his show what the humor was about. He put it like this: (paraphrased because this was over 20 years ago and good luck finding this quote on YouTube these days.)
There are people who are born “retarded” and have special needs. These are brave people and I love and respect them and wish them nothing but the best. I’m not talking about them. I’m talking about people who were born and then BECAME “retarded.”
If its at work in front of people, I make them repeat it by saying, “sorry what was that?” Often that makes people uncomfortable enough to not do it again, at least in front of people.
Can I be your bodyguard? You can be my long lost pal.
I have a close friend with schizophrenia, and jokes about “hearing voices” and similar are pretty common among young people in Germany.
I believe that such jokes only harm the understanding of what is actually being joked about, have no value, and may hurt those who are affected by these things.
I think it’s one of those cases where the actual definition and the cultural definition deviate, and I accept that people are kinda just being a bit funny.
If people are using it to be degrading or berating, I will call it out (or just not interact with those people anymore) but I usually think it’s meant to be a bit self-critical, funny and endearing. I don’t really mind in that case, because it’s not said in offense, and I appreciate people making fun of themselves every once in a while.
I’ve only had something like that happen once, and I suggested that I had some good resources from my wife and kid, and I could hook him up. He kind of awkwardly laughed it off and said he was good.
I still don’t know if he was trying to be use it as a punchline, or trying to share his condition. I certainly don’t want to push people away from sharing their struggles if they are using humor to deal with a hard topic. But yeah, using it as a punch line is pretty insensitive. I’ve said I was being OCD as a joke about being particular about a project, and I totally could have hurt someone’s feelings who actually struggles with a real condition, and that kind of sucks.
Yeah I used to say stuff like that too when I was young and didn’t know any better but I avoid jokes that refer to conditions in that sort of way now
It doesn’t bother me, but I am very rarely offended by words and don’t participate in all of the drama over proper terminology.
I am always uncomfortable and take responsibility for that discomfort… in my opinion focusing on self-control is usually preferable to trying to control anyone else.
(I have a different diagnosis, but the treatment for me is the same regardless)
Moron, Retard, Imbecile, Idiot, Gimp. These were all and are medical terms. Unfortunately it seems to be human nature to use terms of disability for slurs. Is it right for people to do this? No. But it’s a good judge of character if someone uses these terms as slurs or not.
Dumb used to mean someone who is both deaf and mute.
I think it was just mute, as someone who was both was considered deaf and dumb.
My brother used to use it frequently, and after I was finally diagnosed I asked him to stop.
We told people not to use “retarded” and “schizo” as insults, so now they use “autistic” and “narcissistic”. They didn’t become better people, they just got pressured into changing their behaviour.
Maybe one day we’ll pressure them out of all the slurs.
Well, I just call that concentration camp fetish. And most people see minorities exactly that way.
How is narcissist a slur?
It comes from a mental disorder, narcissistic personality disorder. A lot of people don’t know that. Some people think it comes directly from the Greek child who was killed by the gods for not wanting to get married, but that’s a false etymology. It passed through psychiatry in between those points, and you can tell from the way it’s spelled.
No, it comes from Narcisuss. The word predates NPD by almost a hundred years.
But even if it did come from NPD, it still an objectively negative trait worthy of admonishment. It’s not a slur to describe someone’s persistent selfishness as narcissistic. It’s the definition of the word.
[Edit] it’s as much as a slur as using “psychopath” to describe someone who kills squirrels for fun
As that Wikipedia link points out, the version of the word based primarily on the Greek child who didn’t want sex is “Narcismus”. The -ist suffix is distinctly un-Greek, and comes much later than Lord Byron.
It’s interesting that you point out the word “ps*chopath”, which is Greek for “suffering soul” and is often used to attack people with ASPD. I can understand why people in the 1800s would hate those whose souls suffer, and those who are like Narcissus. But surely in 2026, you’ve grown out of such queerphobia and ableism?
“Narcissist” to describe selfishness is from the 1800s. NPD is from the 1980s.
Surely in 2026, you’ve seen what narcissism had done to the world.
No, I will continue calling our narcissistic and psychopathic behavior for what it is. I will also not be showing any empathy for who, by definition, don’t show any themselves.
Not all mental illnesses deserve our collective support. Comparing it to LGBT people is insane (is insane a slur, too?) and insulting. The closest comparison - and I think this is a stretch - is addiction.
It’s just wild to me that you’re defending narcissism in any capacity.
Narcissus of Greek mythology is literally queer, I’m not comparing anything. Nemesis made him fall in love with his reflection because he didn’t want to marry or have sex.
Ameinias was sexually harassing a 16 year old, and that child told him to go commit die, as teenagers often do when they’re harassed by a bully. Ameinias decides to actually do it, and prays to Nemesis for revenge. He says “Though he should love, let him not have what he loves”, so Nemesis made him fall in love with his reflection. It was a divine punishment for not wanting any fucc.
I think you’re aphobic because you read this myth, and decided to side against the queer kid who was harassed and killed.
You are conflating so many things right now. For someone who keeps harping on the original myths, you sure seem ignorant to the fact that pretty much everyone in Greek mythology is bi. Siding against anyone in any Greek myth usually means you’re “against” someone queer.
You are stretching SO hard to call me queerphobic while ignoring both the classical and modern definitions of the word. It’s akin to saying I hate vegans because I talk shit about Hitler.
Narcissists and psychopaths are not oppressed minorities. Insulting them is always punching up.
Do you have a horse in this race or something?
It does not bother me but I also don’t really like or use the label. Maybe because of this phenomenon or because of the general lack of education I find that when I tell someone I’m autistic I get very poor support versus just explaining what I struggle with (eye contact, physical touch, taking things literally). I work in a field where being disagreeable and taking things literally are helpfull so that probably also helps.
Yeah, not great. I think if you understand the difference between what is a disparaging kind of ‘joke’ and something thats actually humorous, then you can just judge this.
“Fucking cringe.” And just walk away. Don’t accept any ‘explanation’ of why it’s funny. Let them become upset by your reaction, if necessary. “Nah, we’re not going to be making fun of disabled people. You’re on your own.”
I’m annoyed by it. Not necessarily because I think it’s offensive, but because I think it normalizes not taking the neurological condition seriously.
It’s the kind of thing that dead ends people’s thoughts on the subject.
It’s one thing when someone with Autism says they “have the 'tism”. Its something else entirely when someone who doesn’t have autism says it or jokes about it that way. I feel the same way about how people will say “everyone is a little OCD”. No. That is not true. Not everyone has a compulsion they can’t control that forces them to wash their hands until they bleed. Nobody cares if you like your desk tidy, Deborah.
I try to remind myself that people don’t know but it’s hard to call it out all the time. I’m not always in the head space to deal with people or their propensity to get defensive and mean.
At least in the states, this is part of the labeling process. There is an ongoing effort, promoted by the current Secretary of Health, to dehumanize autistic people. Remember, he does advocate sending us to work camps.
Autistic people I’ve come into contact with have been some of the smartest people I’ve ever met. Sometime weird or socially awkward but generally really smart.
But I like weird. You don’t remember the normal people.
Every word that was used to refer to someone with some form of mental difference has been turned into an insult. At a certain point you need to just get over it.
Dumb, idiot, imbecile, slow, retard, etc were all originally used to refer to people with legitimate mental health issues and have been turned into insults and are now considered rude to say.
It doesn’t matter what word you come up with to try to “fix” this is going to happen.
